It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
