So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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