remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
