can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
