At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
