OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
