u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
