I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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