the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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