And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
