I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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