dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
