I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
