I heard we made out
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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