He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
