You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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