make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
