3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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