you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
