i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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