You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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