don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
