it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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