Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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