Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
