Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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