So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
