Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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