I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
