while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
