i think my tv is drunk
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
