I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
