Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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