That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
