is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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