The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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