He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
