i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
