If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
