Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
