No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
