I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
