I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
