I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have post one night stand depression
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