Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
