i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
