I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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