God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
