Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
