u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize