over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
