Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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